The 34 Felony Charges

Get ready for a festive and hilarious musical journey as we break down the 34 felony charges against Donald Trump, set to the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" and performed in the style of a girls' chorus. In this satirical carol, we recount each charge with witty humor and clever wordplay. From hush payments to tax schemes, and everything in between, this song delivers the ultimate legal rap sheet in a delightfully catchy way. Perfect for a laugh and a unique take on current events, you won't want to miss this episode!

Lyrics

(Chorus)
On the first charge of felony, Trumpy sent to me,
A subpoena in a palm tree.

(Verse 1)
On the second charge of felony, Trumpy sent to me,
Two hush payments,
And a subpoena in a palm tree.

(Verse 2)
On the third charge of felony, Trumpy sent to me,
Three fraud counts,
Two hush payments,
And a subpoena in a palm tree.

(Verse 3)
On the fourth charge of felony, Trumpy sent to me,
Four perjury,
Three fraud counts,
Two hush payments,
And a subpoena in a palm tree.

(Verse 4)
On the fifth charge of felony, Trumpy sent to me,
FIVE TAX SCHEMES!
Four perjury,
Three fraud counts,
Two hush payments,
And a subpoena in a palm tree.

(Verse 5)
On the sixth charge of felony, Trumpy sent to me,
Six claims of lying,
FIVE TAX SCHEMES!!
Four perjury,
Three fraud counts,
Two hush payments,
And a subpoena in a palm tree.

(Verse 6)
On the seventh charge of felony, Trumpy sent to me,
Seven lawyers bluffing,
Six claims of lying,
FIVE TAX SCHEMES!!!!
Four perjury,
Three fraud counts,
Two hush payments,
And a subpoena in a palm tree.

[Verse 7]
On the eighth charge of felony, Trumpy sent to me,
Eight bribes a-bribing,
Seven lawyers bluffing,
Six claims of lying,
FIVE TAX SCHEMES!!!!!
Four perjury,
Three fraud counts,
Two hush payments,
And a subpoena in a palm tree.

[Verse 8]
On the ninth charge of felony, Trumpy sent to me,
Nine bankers scheming,
Eight bribes a-bribing,
Seven lawyers bluffing,
Six claims of lying,
FIVE TAX SCHEMES!
Four perjury,
Three fraud counts,
Two hush payments,
And a subpoena in a palm tree.

[Verse 9]
On the tenth charge of felony, Trumpy sent to me,
Ten donors dashing,
Nine bankers scheming,
Eight bribes a-bribing,
Seven lawyers bluffing,
Six claims of lying,
FIVE TAX SCHEMES!
Four perjury,
Three fraud counts,
Two hush payments,
And a subpoena in a palm tree.

[Verse 10]
On the eleventh charge of felony, Trumpy sent to me,
Eleven secrets spilling,
Ten donors dashing,
Nine bankers scheming,
Eight bribes a-bribing,
Seven lawyers bluffing,
Six claims of lying,
FIVE TAX SCHEMES!
Four perjury,
Three fraud counts,
Two hush payments,
And a subpoena in a palm tree.

[Verse 11]
On the twelfth charge of felony, Trumpy sent to me,
Twelve tapes a-leaking,
Eleven secrets spilling,
Ten donors dashing,
Nine bankers scheming,
Eight bribes a-bribing,
Seven lawyers bluffing,
Six claims of lying,
FIVE TAX SCHEMES!
Four perjury,
Three fraud counts,
Two hush payments,
And a subpoena in a palm tree.

[bridge]
Holy fucking shit
I'm running out of breath
I think we get the point
It's pretty self explanatory
It's a lot of fucking charges
Can we just skip to the end, please?
I don't have the time to sing them all.
I think you get the fucking point.

[chorus]
Guilty, Guilty, Guilty
Guilty as can be
 
[Verse 12]
On the thirty-fourth charge of felony, Trumpy sent to me,
Thirty-four claims denying,
Thirty-three lies a-lying,
Thirty-two frauds a-faking,
Thirty-one misleadings,
Thirty secrets spilling,
Twenty-nine fakes on trial,
Twenty-eight threats of violence,
Twenty-seven indictments,
Twenty-six leaks a-leaking,
Twenty-five truths distorting,
Twenty-four assets freezing,
Twenty-three votes a-stealing,
Twenty-two scandals swirling,
Twenty-one schemes unraveling,
Twenty lawyers billing,
Nineteen deals dissolving,
Eighteen debts defaulting,
Seventeen calls to Russia,
Sixteen judges frowning,
Fifteen rallies flaming,
Fourteen rants misleading,
Thirteen tweets defaming,
Twelve tapes a-leaking,
Eleven secrets spilling,
Ten donors dashing,
Nine bankers scheming,
Eight bribes a-bribing,
Seven lawyers bluffing,
Six claims of lying,
FIVE TAX SCHEMES!
Four perjury,
Three fraud counts,
Two hush payments,
And a subpoena in a palm tree.

[Chorus]
Guilty, Guilty, Guilty
Just like when he grabbed you by the PUSSY!

[Chorus]
Guilty, Guilty, Guilty
He likes grabbing PUSSY

[Bridge]
The wind is blowing
Nope, that's just Stormy
Pay me please,
After you are done grabbing my....

[chorus]
Pussy
Pussy
Pussy.
Guilty. Pussy. Guilty.
A subpoena after you grab them by the PUSSY

[Chorus]
Oh, Pussy, Pussy, Pussy, I made it out of clay
And when it's dry and ready, with pussy I will play.

[Chorus]
Oh, Pussy, Pussy, Pussy, I made it out of clay
And when it's dry and ready, with pussy I will play.

[Chorus]
Oh, Guilty, Guilty, Guilty, I made it out of clay,
And when it's dry and ready, with PUSSY I WILL PLAY!!!!