Darth Vasectomy: A Star Wars Day to Remember
Join me on my unforgettable adventure as Darth Vasectomy, where I turned a routine vasectomy appointment into a hilarious Star Wars Day celebration. Discover how laughter, witty one-liners, and a Darth Vader costume transformed a potentially nerve-wracking experience into a memorable tale for the galaxy.
On May 4, 2023, a day long celebrated as Star Wars Day, I embarked on a journey that would bring balance to the force – or at least, to my family planning. As a comedian, I knew I couldn't resist turning my vasectomy appointment into a memorable event. And so, Darth Vasectomy was born.
My sister kindly offered to be my chauffeur for the day, but I neglected to mention my choice of attire. Decked out in a full Darth Vader costume, cape and all, I surprised her at the door. Her shock quickly turned to laughter as she took in my transformation.
Before we could head to the appointment, I realized I had forgotten to apply the prescribed lidocaine cream to my dark side. In character, I struggled to open the tube with my gloved hands. My sister stepped in to help, but even her efforts were fruitless. Resorting to the force, we finally managed to open the tube – only for the cream to explode all over her hands. As she frantically washed off the numbing agent so she could still drive me, we couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation.
Arriving at the clinic, I received high-fives and "May the force be with you" greetings from fellow patients and staff. I proudly announced myself as Darth Vasectomy and settled into the waiting room until I was called back by a nurse. She led me past exam rooms labeled with letters until we reached room L. "Ah, L for Leia," I quipped. "I don't care for her very much." The nurse chuckled as we entered the room.
Once inside, I disrobed from the waist down but kept my Darth Vader mask on. The nurse prepped me for the procedure, and soon enough, the doctor arrived to begin. Throughout the operation, I entertained the room with witty one-liners and Darth Vader impressions. At one point, I even pretended to call Colonel Vas Deferens to warn him of the impending attack.
Although the procedure was mostly painless, the smell of cauterizing vas deferens was something I won't soon forget. But even the burnt scent couldn't dampen the mood, as I kept the jokes coming and the laughter flowing.
As the operation came to a successful close, I asked if I could play some celebratory music. With the doctor's approval, I triumphantly blasted the "Imperial March" theme from my phone, eliciting more laughs from the room.
Fully robed again in my Darth Vader costume, I made my way to the checkout station. Picking up my phone, I pretended to call Luke Skywalker to announce, "I wanted to let you know... I will no longer be anyone's father."
And thus, Darth Vasectomy's mission was complete – leaving behind a day filled with laughter and a memorable tale to share with the galaxy.
Of course, a day as unforgettable as this wouldn't be complete without capturing the highlights for posterity. I've documented my Darth Vasectomy adventure on TikTok so you can witness the laughter and fun for yourself. Check out the videos below and join me as I bring some Star Wars humor to an otherwise ordinary vasectomy appointment. May the fourth be with you, always!
Darth Vasectomy - Part 1
@jokesbyjo Meet Darth Vasectomy 🌌✂️ Witness the hilarious Star Wars Day adventure as I bring humor to a routine procedure! - Part 1 😂👨⚕️ #DarthVasectomy #StarWarsDay #MayTheFourth #DarthVader #Starwars #Vasectomy ♬ original sound - jokesbyjo
Darth vasectomy - part 2
@jokesbyjo Meet Darth Vasectomy 🌌✂️ Witness the hilarious Star Wars Day adventure as I bring humor to a routine procedure! - Part 2 😂👨⚕️ #DarthVasectomy #StarWarsDay #MayTheFourth #DarthVader #Starwars #Vasectomy ♬ original sound - jokesbyjo
Darth vasectomy - part 3
@jokesbyjo Meet Darth Vasectomy 🌌✂️ Witness the hilarious Star Wars Day adventure as I bring humor to a routine procedure! - Part 3/3 😂👨⚕️ #DarthVasectomy #StarWarsDay #MayTheFourth #DarthVader #Starwars #Vasectomy ♬ original sound - jokesbyjo
Diet and Exercise Section
She's about 10 years too late to this section, but I applaud her effort.
Diet and Exercise aisle at Barnes and Noble
I said in the comments that the only thing missing was a bucket of KFC. At the time I was joking, but it struck me as an image I'd like to see. So, there's nothing Photoshop can't fix. Enjoy!
I've added a KFC bucket for good measure
Lost in Google Voice Translation
It turns out Google Translate isn't that accurate, but when you read back to it the transcript, it's gets nearly every word on the second translation.
“I’ve babbled long enough...”
My sister just left me a really long voice mail. This is nothing out of the ordinary, we are generally known for leaving long rants about nothing on each others phones. I always look forward to listening to them because they are highly entertaining, and I know it's probably just me, but I save every one.
You can listen to the latest message she left below, and the corresponding voicemail transcript provided by Google, which is a rather enjoyable read, and the reason for this post.
Original Voice mail
Listen to the original voice mail below:
Google Voice Transcript
Read what Google thought she was saying below and notice, Google didn't miss that she was indeed babbling.
“Just wanna Williams was supposed to pick up so I can tell you about my idea for a short film. It’s returning to give you the Red Sox. And you were still alive. Catching everywhere Lyon standing along one week returning only for that dollar charge you don’t want yeah do that just happened in the industry it entertaining. Or, could be harvest interpreting I don’t know, struck a hold of done it before but it’s like 15 minutes to the movies still in line tanika price, right. Have a red light. That I stand there behind the Spanish only has no idea what she’s doing an estimate for Dr. I’ll talk to you soon. Excuse me another tonight, okay. I thought about it. I love the best. That’ll be established. I would act, act on how yeah. Pat and damn movie connect walk away from machine about 5 minutes yup. I was not just now. You like that you’re gonna laugh. I know that. So, and then the guy after that, went to the somewhere else. I should easily do opinion from you. I just returned a movie. Ultimately charge 30 dollar I can, Hello right now. When you talk to you, but I didn’t. Hey, anyway patient like. Like I was super quack. I’m like ohh my gosh will refill next door, being sarcastic. Of course, as you can get my job leave it all. I will lead line. You know that they’re not sonographer that it’s not worth explaining Yeah, returning to the studio, behind you and I need to know we way we gonna take you to help to finance. I believe me so long as she just wants to hotmail, alright Yeah, you digest. I had fun I’ll be able to do is come all the way and I think I’m taking like you know. It’s a fact airline just thinking this is a good short sale of the good and everything or something anyway. I babbled long enough, hopefully listen the alright later bye.”
The transcript was so off the mark, it was hilarious. It read so weird and creepy and disjointed. Exactly like my sister! Google knows everything! So, I had my sis call back and leave the Google transcript version on my voice mail as well. I was hoping it would translate it back to the original...but just listening to the nonsense had me on the floor laughing, so here it is for your enjoyment.
Voice mail of the Transcript
My sister leaving the Google Transcript version on my voice mail.
And if you've gotten this far, here's a transcript of the transcript below, which is surprisingly VERY accurate.
Google Voice Transcript of the Transcript
It didn't translate it back like I had hoped, but it was much more accurate when you read what they thought you said originally.
“Just wanna Williams supposed to pick up so I can tell you about my idea for a short film. Thanks returning to give you the Red Sox and you were still alive Catching it were. Life in a long one week returning only for that, dollar charge you don’t want yet, do that just happened in the industry and entertained or could be harvest interpreting I don’t know who struggled of done it before but it’s like 15 minutes to the movies still online tanika price, right. Have a red light, and I stand behind the Spanish only has no idea what she’s doing an estimate for Dr. I’ll talk to you soon, excuse me another night okay. I thought about it. I love the that that’ll be established. I would act, act on how yet Pat and Dan movie connect walkway now machine about 5 minutes. The up. I was just not just now you like that you’re gonna laugh. I know that so and then the guy after that went to that somewhere else I should easily do opinion from you. So I just return the movie only charge 30 dollar I can. Hello. Right now we talk to you, but I didn’t. Hey, anyway peace of mind with comes to the black. I’m like ohh my gosh. We’ve still. Next door being sarcastic. Of course you can get my job leave it all. I’ll leave 9th. You know that they’re not sonographer that it’s not worth explaining yeah returning to the studio, behind you and I need to know we will be gone. I would like to do the helped finance. I believe me so long as she just wants the hotmail alright. Yet you digest. I had fun. I’ll be able to do, come all the way and I think I’m taking like you know, and the fact airline just thinking if this is a bit short sale of the good everything or something anyway. I have a long and hopefully within the alright later bye.”
