On May 4, 2023, a day long celebrated as Star Wars Day, I embarked on a journey that would bring balance to the force – or at least, to my family planning. As a comedian, I knew I couldn't resist turning my vasectomy appointment into a memorable event. And so, Darth Vasectomy was born.
My sister kindly offered to be my chauffeur for the day, but I neglected to mention my choice of attire. Decked out in a full Darth Vader costume, cape and all, I surprised her at the door. Her shock quickly turned to laughter as she took in my transformation.
Before we could head to the appointment, I realized I had forgotten to apply the prescribed lidocaine cream to my dark side. In character, I struggled to open the tube with my gloved hands. My sister stepped in to help, but even her efforts were fruitless. Resorting to the force, we finally managed to open the tube – only for the cream to explode all over her hands. As she frantically washed off the numbing agent so she could still drive me, we couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation.
Arriving at the clinic, I received high-fives and "May the force be with you" greetings from fellow patients and staff. I proudly announced myself as Darth Vasectomy and settled into the waiting room until I was called back by a nurse. She led me past exam rooms labeled with letters until we reached room L. "Ah, L for Leia," I quipped. "I don't care for her very much." The nurse chuckled as we entered the room.
Once inside, I disrobed from the waist down but kept my Darth Vader mask on. The nurse prepped me for the procedure, and soon enough, the doctor arrived to begin. Throughout the operation, I entertained the room with witty one-liners and Darth Vader impressions. At one point, I even pretended to call Colonel Vas Deferens to warn him of the impending attack.
Although the procedure was mostly painless, the smell of cauterizing vas deferens was something I won't soon forget. But even the burnt scent couldn't dampen the mood, as I kept the jokes coming and the laughter flowing.
As the operation came to a successful close, I asked if I could play some celebratory music. With the doctor's approval, I triumphantly blasted the "Imperial March" theme from my phone, eliciting more laughs from the room.
Fully robed again in my Darth Vader costume, I made my way to the checkout station. Picking up my phone, I pretended to call Luke Skywalker to announce, "I wanted to let you know... I will no longer be anyone's father."
And thus, Darth Vasectomy's mission was complete – leaving behind a day filled with laughter and a memorable tale to share with the galaxy.
Of course, a day as unforgettable as this wouldn't be complete without capturing the highlights for posterity. I've documented my Darth Vasectomy adventure on TikTok so you can witness the laughter and fun for yourself. Check out the videos below and join me as I bring some Star Wars humor to an otherwise ordinary vasectomy appointment. May the fourth be with you, always!
Darth Vasectomy - Part 1
@jokesbyjo Meet Darth Vasectomy 🌌✂️ Witness the hilarious Star Wars Day adventure as I bring humor to a routine procedure! - Part 1 😂👨⚕️ #DarthVasectomy #StarWarsDay #MayTheFourth #DarthVader #Starwars #Vasectomy ♬ original sound - jokesbyjo
Darth vasectomy - part 2
@jokesbyjo Meet Darth Vasectomy 🌌✂️ Witness the hilarious Star Wars Day adventure as I bring humor to a routine procedure! - Part 2 😂👨⚕️ #DarthVasectomy #StarWarsDay #MayTheFourth #DarthVader #Starwars #Vasectomy ♬ original sound - jokesbyjo
Darth vasectomy - part 3
@jokesbyjo Meet Darth Vasectomy 🌌✂️ Witness the hilarious Star Wars Day adventure as I bring humor to a routine procedure! - Part 3/3 😂👨⚕️ #DarthVasectomy #StarWarsDay #MayTheFourth #DarthVader #Starwars #Vasectomy ♬ original sound - jokesbyjo