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BJ's Bestseller

Was checking out at BJ's and saw this end cap.  This joke writes itself.  BJ's Bestseller - "Hard Choices", by Hillary Clinton

BJ's Bestseller - "Hard Choices", by Hillary Clinton

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Diet and Exercise Section

  She's about 10 years too late to this section, but I applaud her effort.  

 Diet and Exercise aisle at Barnes and Noble

Diet and Exercise aisle at Barnes and Noble

I said in the comments that the only thing missing was a bucket of KFC.  At the time I was joking, but it struck me as an image I'd like to see.  So, there's nothing Photoshop can't fix.  Enjoy!

 I've added a KFC bucket for good measure

I've added a KFC bucket for good measure

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Open Mic - Bethlehem Brew Works - 3.17.13

Well, despite it being St. Patricks Day, I didn't have much luck with my set. My opener tanked hard...not a peep. Absolute crickets. It was a new joke, but I expected at least 1 or 2 laughs. That put me off to a bad start. My second joke was much better...of course it wasnt a new joke, so I knew it would do much better than the first. And then all went to shit. I was testing out another new bit, and I forgot half of it. I get to the middle of the joke and I just blank out. I had to pull out my phone 3 times to find my place. At that point there was no return. I had lost the crowd. It was pretty embarrassing. I managed to barely finish the joke..I should have just walked off the stage.

The issue was a last minute rewrite a few hours before my set. I didn't have enough time to get comfortable with the joke. I should have gone with a closer that was more familiar. Lesson learned. Be more prepared.

I hadnt stumbled that bad on stage since I first started this, around 5 yrs ago. It goes to show that no matter how much experience...anyone can lose their spot.

At least I didn't get heckled or boo'd off the stage. I will work on this bit and return next week to exact my sweet revenge.

 uhhh...where was I???

uhhh...where was I???

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Open Mic - Bethlehem Brew Works - 3.3.13

Tonight felt really good to get up on stage. I tried something unusual tonight...I tried being funny! It actually worked out well. No actually, I tried standing still. I have this problem when I do comedy that I move around too much. Almost as if a guy is in the back of the room with a shotgun pointed at me. So tonight, I tried standing in one spot, using the mic stand as my fixture to lean on. I felt much more comfortable and at ease on stage. I will continue trying that and mixing it up with free style when the joke calls for it. Here is my setlist from tonight:

  • Applesauce
  • Plain Casket
  • Gyro
  • All State
  • Compassion
  • Coach Purse
  • Redbox

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Open Mic - Bethlehem Brew Works - 2.24.13

It felt really good to get up on stage for the first time this year.  Below is my set list.  My closer was weak.  Need to work on it, or move it to a different position.   Will post video if it ever becomes available.  

  • The Magician
  • My Dad's Sister
  • Grandma from Florida
  • Literal Wife
  • Crazy Dream
  • Droopy Balls
  • Where's my Wallet?

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Flight of the Cardinal

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Flight of the Cardinal

My friend and I made a Super Bowl commercial for Doritos.  It will never air.  But it should.  Why?  Because is it is better than the finalists that were selected.  Except for Goat 4 Sale, that ad is brilliant and deserves a million dollars.  We deserved top 5.  Congrats goes out to the finalists, look out for us next year, we've already started filming :)

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The Friendliest Dentist in Town

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The Friendliest Dentist in Town

The Friendliest Dentist in Town

 I know it's a dive, he doesn't have his Doctorate in Dental medicine and he pulls teeth with pliers....but he's SUPER nice!  You have to give him a chance.  Book your next cleaning here!  

Quick tip:  they can only see 1 patient at a time due to limited occupancy, so make your appointment in advance.

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Are you going to do it Leah?

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Are you going to do it Leah?

Are you going to do it Leah?

Being a big brother, sometimes you get to trick your little sister into doing things they really shouldn't.  I was one of those brothers.  This is one of those things.  Recently discovered this after rumbling through old VHS tapes.  This one dates back to ~1992.  

Leah was upset because we hung her water baby from the ceiling in an apparent baby doll suicide.  This was her reaction (after prodding from big brother)

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